I finally got back on the bike a couple days ago and let me tell you, riding a bike fully loaded after going weeks without doing so is not an easy task. Jared and I rode about 12 miles on our Lake Overholser loop so it wasn't an incredibly long ride, but just enough to make us work a bit. We battled stiff headwinds and cross winds and for those of you who may not know, using 4 large bags on your bike only makes your bike seem like a parachute or large kite. I was constantly fighting the wind and can only hope that it will help push me along most of the time this summer.
Which brings me to the next point. Summer is quickly approaching, almost too quickly. We have but six weeks left in our college careers (knock on wood) and while I'm sometimes glad that I'm having to work so much to pay for this trip, it certainly is distracting me from thinking much about what is to come after this journey.
This lingering thought of what to do when reality catches up with me is certainly one that I could do without, but I fully understand that it is something each person must face at some point in their lives. While some of the people I graduated high school with are already out on their own, some even married and with children, I must admit, I feel like a fourteen year old sometimes in my readiness to face the world of adulthood. This transition seems a bit more difficult than adolescence even as back then I knew I could attribute much of my strife to hormonal causes. This however, is simply a struggle because I find myself nearing the place where the rubber meets the road and my brakes are out. I can only hope I am ready to go speeding off in whatever direction my decisions take me and pray that if I should need to change directions I won't careen off the side of the road into a ditch that will take me too long to climb out of.
There is no doubt that this trip will be a great opportunity for personal reflection. I have never done something this exciting. I have never gone overseas for a mission trip, never backpacked through Europe, never seen the Grand Canyon in person or climbed in the Rockies. I haven't even been to Wrigley Field to join with 30,000 people in singing Take Me Out To the Ballgame. Up until this summer the extent of my adventurous side has manifested itself in a couple road trips to Huntington Beach, CA, a pilgrimage to Old Yankee Stadium with my father, brother and good friend, and a spontaneous 11pm decision to drive up to Niagara Falls for a day or Detroit to see an Indians game against the Tigers.
This trip will be a memorable experience for me.
But all trips end, even this one will.
I realize that this is perhaps a bit on the side of pessimism to be discussing the end of a trip that doesn't even begin for another two months but this is all part of the thought process that I am going through leading up to the trip. I want to make no reservations in saying that this trip is a distraction, a temporary postponement from my future. I am a theology ministry major who is unsure of his role in ministry at this stage. I do not know that I have the capacity to preach every Sunday while being responsible for the care of a congregation. I do not aspire to attend a seminary. I would like to pursue an MBA after school but I spent one too many semesters having fun to really be considered for admission to the schools I would like to attend. My student loans are the guiding force in deciding which jobs I can go after because I know that I will have to begin paying on a considerable debt.
But maybe if I can just keep the wheels spinning a little while longer. Maybe then I could find that bit of courage to put my foot on the gas and speed toward something rather than wishing my brakes would work. I'm reminded of my last post, to look at the ground and not be too caught up in the future, but sometimes it's good to look at the sun on the horizon and realize just how great it might be to run toward it with joy in your heart.
And so the spokes keep spinning and carrying me on.
