I must be honest, at some point I'm not sure a trip like this is always worth it, at least for some people. As much as it has been a fun ride so far, a dream really, I must confess I'm starting to waver.
What have I gained from this some 2500 miles of riding? I say I have gained quite a lot. I no longer have to doubt what it would be like to tour by bicycle. I can now say I know what it is like.
As for the remaining miles between myself and the ocean, it is true I have never been this far west out north, but I think of all the things that await for me after this trip and while I'm sure the land beyond this wasteland of Wyoming is certainly something to behold, at some point I recognize it might not be worth the sacrifice of so many other things.
I have not yet made the decision to call it a trip and head back, don't mistake my words there, but to be honest most of my reasons for continuing would be of a prideful nature and then of course there is the rather simple reason of simply finishing what my 12 year old mind started.
This is where my mind is right now. I'm sure in hindsight I would have chosen a route much different than this or a riding companion who didn't always leave me 15 miles behind, but for now I have to make due, lay in the bed I have made. Or do I? We'll see what happens as I pray about it in the next couple days.
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Matt,
ReplyDeleteDon't look back or look forward. Focus on today and let tomorrow take care of itself. As much as you may want to stop, keep going. For all of us that wish we had a time machine and could go back and finish something we started and for every person that wishes they had the courage and energy of their youth, finish what you have started. You will always have this story to tell, and if you stop, you will always ask what could might have been. There will soon be a day when you draw from this experience or reflect on what you are doing and what you have accomplished and will wish you were where you are right now. The future you, would want to tell keep pushing, don't let yourself down.
I don't know you but I do know Heaventrain and Lighthouse and that is an awesome cause. I'm also from some of those "wasteland" parts and I know how discouraging and depressing it can be even driving in the car... Once you get past the continental divide it is much better. Anyway your decision and prayer is something I can relate to right now. I haven't ever done anything so physically demanding, but after working the last 7 years towards a Ph. D. That I thought would only take 3 and knowing I have at least 3 more years of sacrificed nights weekends and pretty much all free time I have certainly wondered and asked God if this is worth it? I believe the answer really isn't whether the end goal will have been worth it because I'm pretty sure the answer is no. Rather the question really is what is God trying to teach me while I'm in this desert, and testing our faith that if the lesson is so difficult it must be worth it. There is no other way to learn some lessons. Anyway, whatever you decision I do look forward to your posts, God is gonna use your writing!
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